Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
I’m drinking a glass of wine at hour 14 of a 15 hour day attempting to hit two client deadlines. I have to be at the office at 8AM the next day for meetings. And my boyfriend, who I haven’t been able to spend any time with, is playing video games while I type away. He refills my wine every so often, but for the most part, I’m not there. I’m waist deep in my stressful place that I lovingly call “the forest in my head with little lumberjacks who climb the trees and whisper why the hell did you do this again?!”
The next day, I sit down with bagels for my team. We’re catching up on the day and coordinating details on our upcoming shoot. Everyone is in a good mood. And then one of the guys says to me, “I finally know what you’re talking about when you say people treat you differently.” He had been privy to a few conversations about various crews and production opportunities - and I was noticeably not included in the dialogue. I get SO tired of saying it, but as a woman in production: I am often not included. Or, in the worst case scenarios, I am considered not good enough to be included. At some point, I decided to not even bring it up with my team for fear that they might resent me for it. Some days, it just spills out in a hurtful rage. Despite spending 10 years of my life in this industry. Despite having won the little and big awards. Despite my proven track record of working hard. I am often not included. I was proud of him for noticing.
These are two scenarios in just the last week where my heart sank because being the boss is hard. But being the female boss is somehow harder.
When I started the process of forming my business, I was focused on one big thing: don’t fail. Because if I failed, I would forever be the woman who couldn’t get her production company off the ground. I figured if I got past year one, that fear would dissipate and something else would fill that void. Nope. Maybe past year two? Again, no. Somewhere down the road of year three? Definitely not. If anything, it is getting worse.
And what you find out as you start to grow your business is that the wins are bigger, but the losses are much, much bigger. Somewhere along the way, we started being able to pitch the likes of Cartoon Network and the Times and all these organizations that have real power and cache. Getting in the door is the reward for the hard work. Not getting the job over and over is the acknowledgement that there is more work to do.
The trouble is that I’m tired. And the forest? Well it’s starting to look like a great place to take a nap.
But then a client says: “Mighteor is fucking awesome.” Or “Mighteor contributed to our success as a company and helped get us where we are today.” And it’s like a temporary steroid shot that we are doing something right. That our hard work and dedication to this crazy idea is somehow paying off in the way that we had hoped.
This is the pendulum that I swing on. One day, I’m so down and so exhausted that I just don’t want to keep going. The next day, I get the validation from my team or our clients or a professional associate that makes me feel like this ridiculously impossible task of not failing is one that I am still up to. I am still committed to not failing.
But I believe that the pendulum swings even harder because of the pressure that we feel as women. There’s this idea that we are supposed to make it all look perfect.
“My business is great!” “Everything is wonderful!” “All my clients are the best!”
And you know what? Maybe I put myself at risk of seeming totally ungrateful for saying it, but it’s true: This job is exhausting and not very fun sometimes. But you know why I say that? Because I know this core truth about myself and about this journey: Anything worth doing is going to be fucking hard.
Climbing a mountain.
Paddling a great lake.
Raising the money.
Making a film.
Starting a business.
Life has taught me that even the most profoundly painful and difficult journeys are rewarding not just because we got to the destination or the goal - but because each step we take to arrive there teaches us something we can carry for the rest of life.
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