Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
No one teaches you how to mourn as CEO. There isn’t mentorship for getting through unexpectedly losing a parent while running your startup. And for the thousands of entrepreneurship books I could download to my Kindle at this very moment - not one covers managing your employees, your clients AND your grief like a #girlboss.
On Friday, February 19th, 2016 at 7:25PM, my family lost Susan Laurette Twite-Giorgi at the age of 56 as the result of complications from a routine surgery. None of us saw it coming. And we certainly didn’t predict that our most recent family reunion would be around the ashes of our wife, sister, mother, friend.
My linear, strategic mind doesn’t know how to deal with what my family and I have just been forced to deal with over the last few weeks. And as much I as would like to pretend that the hardest part is over - it’s not. The hard part has just begun. I was reminded of that last night when in the middle of a pitch, I was suddenly heart struck, so much so that my usually steady and confident voice was cracking with the stress. I am reminded of that because my insomnia is back with a raging force. Causing me to text people at 3AM for no fucking reason other than something is on my mind and I think if I put it out into the world, maybe then I can sleep. I know because I avoid the grief like I can just hit “ignore” on my phone when a person I secretly dislike calls.
I have forced myself to ask for peace. Peace and acceptance that life must go on or there won’t be any other way of surviving this chapter. The new work gets me excited. The new travel plans with my still new boyfriend gives me hope. The new website we’ve just built makes me proud. And yet, it’s ALL tinged with pungent grief. Like perfume that never quite dissipates. It hangs in the room. It hangs in my head. It consumes my heart.
Today, I am finding peace in a popsicle and a prayer. I didn’t want to do today. But I forced myself to go to the meetings. To go to the office and finish editing the testimonial video we are putting together for our website. As I put the final touches on a popsicle animation, I felt like a had a modicum of control over grief. As I listened to our clients say lovely things about me and my company, I felt more hope for the future. A future that seems so cloudy now, but still exists. Spoiler alert: There is no controlling grief.
This afternoon, I went to a meeting with a new prospective client and I expected him to say he was sorry to hear about our news - everyone says it - but he did something even more unexpected. He told me he was a minister for 10 years before he started working in technology and asked if he could pray with me for my family. What’s amazing is he asked me what I wanted him to pray for, specifically. Now, it’s not surprising to anyone around me that my sense of religious faith is basically non-existent, but this gesture was so profound, I had to take him up on it. And he said:
“God, we pray for supernatural forces to bring peace to Liz and her family. Because this is a shitty situation and there is nothing on earth that can make that better.”
Nothing on earth. Except maybe a popsicle and a prayer.
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