Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
Next week, I’m giving a talk at the Women in Entrepreneurship Conference at the Carlson School of Management on the topic of being a vulnerable badass. If you’re around, it’s a free conference and I’d love to meet you in person. But here’s the real rub of this whole thing: In prepping for this talk, I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on how I see myself. Self-reflection - to me - is the art of taking in a lot of other people’s opinions, keeping the ones you like and discarding the ones that suck. As a result of going through this exercise, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is how I see myself:
Yes, that is a cotton candy wearing a leather jacket. I know. It’s weird. But it’s truly revolutionary in terms of my understanding of myself. Here’s why:
For years and years in various jobs, I excelled at my work despite not always excelling at interpersonal relationships in those settings. Don’t get me wrong, I always loved my team and we always did amazing things together. But then those annual performance reviews would come around and people who didn’t work with me every day or the boss of my boss would get to chime in on my performance and I would hear things like: Liz is Aggressive. Pushy. Forward. Harsh. Intense.
The quality of my work was never in question. My ability to do my job at a high level was always understood. But those other things, they stuck. And I couldn’t understand why I was seen this way.
I saw myself as: Driven. Excited. Passionate. Engaged. And Invested.
Over time, the things I saw myself as became less and less top of mind and I started to feel like I was taking on these negative identities that were ascribed to me. After years and years of hearing the same things over and over despite my every effort to evolve and change, I gave up on being less aggressive, pushy, forward, harsh and intense.
Instead, I decided to own it.
Because this was the thing that I knew deep down: I really gave a shit and that was better than not caring about the work at all. Some bosses and colleagues got it. And some didn’t. And that was OK.
I have to tell you: since starting my own business, that leather jacket identity has been my floatation device, my security blanket and my most comfortable skin. It has helped me deal with the fear, isolation and doubt of being an entrepreneur like a champ.
However, what I’m slowly learning is that the soft is OK too. The soft can be comforting. It can be a quiet refuge when you just don’t want to boss anymore. It can be a safe space to admit that you don’t know what you’re doing. And it can be the door to asking a mentor for help.
The soft… it can also be for others. For the people you hope to inspire, engage and collaborate with.
A few months ago, I was struggling with an employee and I was at a crossroads. My tough decision about how to proceed with this personnel issue had a unique overlap: It tapped into both my sense of investment in my business AND my desire to engage others in it. And yet, I knew what I had to do - I had to part ways with this person. To my team, I was decisive and probably insensitive. I told them bluntly why we had to move forward the way we did and I could see that they were longing for a softer side to the situation. Truthfully, I was devastated. But showing people that side of my personality had not been my forte.
I won’t tell you that it was an ah-ha moment. It wasn’t. But it was the beginning of a series of long conversations I’ve had with myself about the value of sharing the soft. Over the last year, I’ve decided to let my team, my clients and my business partners see the softer side of me more often, sometimes even in unexpected ways.
I talked about loving kittens and shared adorable dog videos. I gushed about the elaborate dates my boyfriend would plan. And I cried openly after my stepmom died. I still cry about it sometimes.
You see, I’m soft. I’m soft as a puffy cotton candy on a warm summer day. But I reserve that side of myself for very few people and situations.
However, it’s time for a coming out party. It’s time to be more willing to share that side of myself with everyone. And the way to do it is by positively reinforcing the good in it.
If you’re a manager or boss who is about to tell a woman that she is too aggressive, too pushy, or too rude - think again. I’m guessing she has a ball of sparkly yarn somewhere in her heart. She’s just waiting for the right moment to reveal it.
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