Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
You are forewarned: this blog post is about anger. Deep, uncontrollable anger that makes you want to physically harm others. It’s not glamorous or fun, but it’s a real emotional reaction to life that women often don’t talk about. For whatever reason, we’re trained to control our anger and frustration and never discuss it’s implications. Today, I’m talking about it.
This morning, I had the best intentions. Teej, my brother and his GF and I headed out to an old-school arcade for a couple of hours of air conditioned Tetris. Together, we had nearly $30 in quarters, which we intended to spend. Pretty straight forward outing, right? Well, we got there 30 minutes after they supposedly “opened” and despite the Open sign glowing in the window, the shop was in fact closed. We searched the window for a sign indicating that perhaps someone was out to lunch or taking a potty break, but no “We’ll be back in 15 minutes” was found. We called their number, but got voicemail. Checked Facebook. No mention of being closed. Checked Twitter. Same thing, as in nothing. Since it was a beautiful day, we chocked it up to someone calling in sick and our bad luck and decided to do an outdoor activity.
We then drove over to Minnehaha Falls. If you’ve never been to the Twin Cities, we have an incredible park system, which the Falls are a part of. Well, because it was an absolutely beautiful day, there were a lot of other people who had the same idea. We drove around the park for an hour looking for a parking spot. The designated parking lots, the street spots four blocks in all directions around and all the meters on the nearby streets were full. After several loops, we took off without any idea of what else to do.
At this point, things weren’t looking good for my mood. Sometimes, going home is all that you can emotionally handle.
My bloodline is full of ladies who were unafraid of a curse word and who didn’t shy away from a shouting match. As a result, I’ve always been fairly honest with others about when I’m upset or need to be left alone. It’s both helpful and scary in a relationship, because Teej always knows where I stand. Today, my anger was like another person attached to my back and it was not pretty.
From the Falls to my place, it’s a 20 minute drive depending on traffic and as we made our way home, I could feel my frustration boiling to the surface. I have a very complicated relationship with time and the fact that I spent 2 hours failing to actually enjoy this beautiful Sunday gave me the jitters. Instead, I found myself standing outside closed arcades and failing to find a parking spot. I tried to remember a Buddhist theory:
I do not OWN time. In fact, the idea that I could posses time is a fallacy.
As I got closer to my couch, I could feel myself wanting to cry. It was one of those moments where I just wanted to let go of the anger, but I couldn’t mentally and my body was just trying to get rid of it any way it could. I held back the tears and just tried to forget.
To my boyfriend, the day was a wash and he was ready to move on. He kept saying, “it just didn’t work out, so just move on.” But I couldn’t, because in my mind we had wasted 2 hours and didn’t get to do any of the things we intended to. Logic and anger are a cocktail that don’t mix well. So I just told him like it was:
“Right now, I just have to be a rage monster. Today, I’m She Hulk.”
Not quite the She Hulk from the 90s kids series. (In retrospect, that cartoon was weirdly erotic.) More like Marc Ruffalo’s controlled power with Edward Norton’s rage face. I wish that wasn’t my reaction. I wish I didn’t feel like violently smashing something or someone, but I just had to give in to the frustration and let it pass.
It was more than I could physically handle. So I took a nap. And when I woke up, I tried to imagine starting a new day.
It’s hard to talk about anger and hard to be honest about it. Do you ever feel like She Hulk?
(Image via Marvel)
Last week was a banner week for having meta discussions about geek culture. First, Tara Tiger Brown wrote this piece in Forbes called Dear Fake Geek Girls: Please Go Away and The Mary Sue rebutted. Kotaku called the “fake geek girl” a “fake threat” and Twitter was abuzz with the pros and cons of “accepting all people showing an interest in geek culture” and “shunning anyone who is a self-proclaimed geek.”
I didn’t think there was anything to add to the conversation really, so I didn’t say anything last week. Now, with the benefit of a weekend’s worth of drinking and chatting with friends, I’ve come to realize that I have a different opinion on the issue that is worth discussing.
I don’t believe that most people CHOOSE to be a geek. I think you sort of find it out by accident. Or your interests end up merging with this identity. Here’s what I mean:
I bought a new mattress and pillow this week. The reason? I’m investing in my resting.
There was a time not too long ago where sleeping for 5 or 6 hours a night didn’t seem like that big of a deal. As long as I was getting SOME sleep, it seemed like I was doing the right thing. Nevermind the fact that I’d sleep until noon on the weekends to try and “catch up” on lost ZZZs.
I now realize that this is what’s causing my irritability, my inability to remember any detail and my general lack of excitement for the day.
May I propose a solution?
You really, really need to invest in your rest.
I know that I’m the number one offender here. But I feel we all need a bit of a jolt. I am certain that I have friends who are just as guilty of skipping the sheets. I’m confident I have co-workers running around exhausted. So while this diatribe is partially me convincing myself that this needs to be a priority, I also know that we all need a friendly reminder. That’s why I’m ready to give you a list of pros and cons.
Let’s start with the cons.
There are NO cons important enough to skip your 7-8 hours of sleep per night.
See, we’re off to a great start!
I promise. No blog posts. No video games. No book chapters. All those things will be there tomorrow. I promise.
That was easy. Now, the pros.
1. It’s good for your memory.
2. It’s good for your weight.
3. It’s good for your overall health.
4. It’s replenishing emotionally.
5. It’s replenishing physically.
6. When you enter a deep sleep state, your brain releases repairing hormones that improve your very existence. Your skin, your eyes, your fingernails. All these things need time to repair from the damage we inflict upon them during the day.
7. You know how you REALLY want to watch a movie TONIGHT at 11PM, because you won’t have time tomorrow? Well, the hours you’re saving tonight are being shaved off your life. It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. People who sleep for the recommended 7-8 hours per night live longer.
8. Your attention span is reportedly at least 30% better when you are rested.
And on top of all that, you’ll probably be a hell of a lot happier too.
I want to be happier. I want to wake up in the morning and not feel IMMEDIATELY overwhelmed about getting up. I don’t want my first thought in the morning to be: I’m tired.
So friends, let’s go to bed.
It seems that there is a growing population of politicians and pundits in a certain age range, class and political group who are totally mystified by the women of America. While this isn’t normally something I’d discuss here, it feels appropriate at the moment to dwell on the things that cause me high blood pressure.
So now you’re my therapist, dear reader. Group therapy, perhaps? I’ll try and make it less painful with an occasional photo break from my instragr.am account. (p.s. let’s follow each other!)
“What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic] who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex – what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex.” - Rush Limbaugh
Such a misuse of free speech should be insulting to every women he has ever married. (He’s on his fourth wife.)
I don’t believe in stopping people like Rush and the like from speaking their mind, but I do believe that people who have the audacity to speak this way should be prepared to hear the wrath of the populations and the people they direct their vile towards.
You embarrass your mother, Rush, with these statements. You make your wife look like a fool. Do you realize it?
What’s worse is that you’re the equivalent of a 19th century Internet troll.
Meanwhile, there are individuals who are running for President who employ handlers to prevent such statements, but who think it.
“I think it’s harmful to women. I think it’s harmful to our society to have a society that says that sex outside of marriage is something that should be encouraged or tolerated …, particularly among the young and it has I think we’ve seen very, very harmful long-term consequences to the society. Birth control to me enables that and I don’t think it’s a healthy thing for our country.” - Rick Santorum
You know what I think is harmful to society, Mr. Santorum? You. Your delusions of grandeur and your presumptions about what is safe for women.
Here’s something beautiful. Flowers. Look at that asexual life force for a moment…
I’m not married. I live with my partner. I own a home. I pay taxes. I contribute to our economy. I decide what’s safe for me to do and not do. I pay my health insurance premiums each month and the co-pay on my oral birth control.
Long ago, I decided having sex with another consenting adult was something I wanted to do. And I did it responsibly. I didn’t leave it up to my priest or my politicians. I made that decision all on my own.
And you know why? So I don’t have to face the consequences of raising a child I can’t support. Or worse yet, face the idea of having an abortion.
What’s strange is that I’m not even surprised.
I just wonder how much longer I have to wait for God to smite these assholes.
LEGO announced that they’re coming out with a new line of toys for girls: LEGO Friends. This is their fifth attempt to launch a product for girls, most of the time relying on the very basic marketing idea that girls like pink.
Here’s what’s different: The standard minifig is gone and is replaced with a girl minifig. Of course, with the requisite oversized eyes, colored lips and boobs too. Apparently, she’s also having a cocktail in a pool in the set at left.
Why the change?
According to NPR:
While boys and girls both love to build, boys build in a linear fashion, assembling the kits from start to finish and not stopping until the toy looks like what’s on the cover of the box.
In contrast, girls like to stop along the way, and start role-playing while they are building. So … Lego bagged the girls’ toys differently, so they can begin playing before finishing the whole model.
Aha, so girls hate building. Apparently they hated the minifig as well:
The researchers found that girls do not like the iconic, chunky Lego minifigure. So the company designed a new one that’s slightly bigger than the traditional 1 ½-inch figure, to make it easier for girls to put hairbrushes and handbags in the minifigures’ hands.
Here’s an idea: perhaps it wasn’t about hairbrushes and handbags or even the ability to role play along the way. Maybe, just maybe, it’s about broader issues related to the packaging and marketing of LEGO. Think back to last month when the sets with Wonder Woman and Catwoman hit the Internet. The images are set up in role playing scenarios and in this case: the women need saving. Perhaps, the roles LEGO is identifying for young female users don’t resonate? Where’s the set with Wonder Woman kicking ass? Are they afraid that boys won’t want a set with Catwoman chasing after the bad guy?
It’s no surprise that I love LEGO and that I have a fairly extensive collection. As a child, I loved to build and role play with the pieces I shared with my brother. I distinctly remember that my biggest complaint as a child of the 80s wasn’t that my LEGO minifig couldn’t have a hairbrush or a handbag: it was that the only hair option was a long, blonde piece and I had brown hair. Things have changed since then, but wouldn’t it have been great of LEGO to include Ginny Weasley in the LEGO Harry Potter Quidditch set? Last I checked, Ginny was a badass Chaser and far outperforms Oliver Wood in terms of name recognition. Could they have been bothered to include at least one female astronaut, policewoman, firefighter, pirate, ANYTHING in one of the hundreds of sets where she isn’t an accessory to the action - just sitting there holding a surfboard or drinking a coffee?
LEGO: You claim that girls don’t visually respond to the colors in your sets or don’t like the minifig. If the key is that girls are visual and they respond to things like color and images and instructions, well, I challenge you: Would girls also visually respond to scenes they can relate to and aspire to in the products you already produce and sell? Maybe you could help them with their role playing by giving them scenes that include girls in the action instead of placing them off to the side with a cup of coffee.
It’s not all bad with LEGO Friends. They’ve produced one set I can give props to: Olivia’s Inventor Workshop.
Does it balance out the fashion design, dog show, pool party, bakery, beauty shop and convertible sets? No, but they made the effort. Right?
I’m making a prediction: LEGO Friends, like their previous 5 attempts, will fail. It may be popular temporarily, but like Bratz and the countless other oversized-eyeballed, prematurely breasted female figurines of the 2000s, they will fall by the wayside while your main brand continues to grow and expand and reach into generation after generation of young children. The reason? LEGO is something you keep. It’s a toy that you don’t sell at a garage sale or drop off at the Goodwill, because you look forward to sharing it with your child some day. It’s not built on gimmicks and so it endures. This is a gimmick.
When this fails, I suggest LEGO stop before throwing millions of dollars at more research about girls, their desires for handbags and their color preferences and instead research the products sitting right before their eyes. There’s plenty of opportunity there.
Most geeks become geeks because of what they liked, read, played, watched or experienced in their formative years. It’s hard for me to know this with any amount of certainty because it’s been a LONG time since high school, but my guess is that the vast majority of people who ID as “geek” do so because their interests somehow put them outside of the social norm. For example, as a dystopian fiction lover and the only person on my block with the internet in the late 90s who wanted to learn HTML, I was a “nerd” and an outcast. I didn’t have the benefit of message boards and blogs to help me find friends who had the same interest.
Today, I’m highly employable because I have those foundational internet skills and as it turns out, dystopian fiction is having a real moment with the release of The Hunger Games.
So where does the “fake” geek pop up? Well, typically they see a movie or read a book that falls into geek culture and discover what we have to offer. They may not have lived through high school as a geek, but their interests match up at this point in time.
Why is this happening? Much of “geek” culture is out the in open more so than ever before. Batman is one of the biggest movie phenoms of the decade. Game of Thrones is the most hotly anticipated HBO series this spring.
Pop culture, by and large, is geek culture at this point in history.
The downside is that there are millions of casual fans of these properties. The upside is that the things we love are getting more attention.
There was one commenter on The Mary Sue who really stuck with me, because he pointed out another, equally important social upside. James Strocel of Rain Geek said:
“Here’s what you do when you encounter a "Fake” Geek Girl or Guy: Humor them. Sure, we all like being King Geek of Nerd Mountain, but we should, under no circumstances mistake what the “fake” geeks are trying to do: They are trying to make friends.“
This is exactly right. Don’t mistake friendliness for fakeness. I was able to find a few friends in high school, but most of my nerd friends are from the web or from college.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that I’m SO HAPPY I didn’t change when I was 16 and had the choice to pretend to be someone else. I truly took hold of my passions and owned them. I live a life that is built on a foundation of what TRULY makes me happy.
Simon Pegg said it best. I feel liberated by the fact that I love the things I love with zero restrictions. I live it out loud and I’m not that interested in the validation of others. Sure, people tell me all the time that it’s not very "grown up,” but ultimately, I accept that this isn’t the lifestyle for them. But it’s working out great for me.
It all comes down to acceptance. Both of yourself and others.